Coming Home

Sweet baby Brier,

We were in for some of the best and scariest moments of our lives after we brought you home from the hospital. Daddy and I could have read every book about bringing a newborn home from cover to cover and not possibly been prepared for what was about to happen in the first couple of days of your life at home at 4616 Sandera Lane. You were dressed so cute on the way home, a precious pink outfit complete with a matching hat that I decided against putting on you because you were too tiny. 

While in the hospital, you were pretty good about breast feeding. You were a little fussy and we had to send you to the nursery both nights, but manageable. If mommy hadn't had a C-Section and needed rest, we would have kept you in the room with us. Once we got home, though, it was a completely different story. You were trying so hard to get nourishment from me, but I wasn't producing enough milk for you. I didn't realize this until you had been home for about two days. You cried and cried and cried. Not only did you cry, but you screamed! Your precious face was red, your mouth wide open, your legs were straight out and your little fists were clenched almost constantly. It made mommy and daddy crazy because we couldn't figure out what we were doing wrong! We wanted more than anything to make you happy and content, but it just wasn't happening. You looked so miserable and sad and that paired with mommy's hormones was a lethal combination. I felt so horrible because I said things like "I can't do this..." and I felt horribly guilty that I couldn't pacify you. I had written for months about how my number one goal was to make you as happy as I possibly could. Everyone told me "you only have to feed, love, and change a newborns' diapers and they are happy". Well, everyone lied. 

The first two nights of your time at home were spent completely in your nursery. Your daddy would lay on the floor of your nursery while I would attempt to feed you. It was a vicious cycle of you trying to eat, crying, screaming, changing a mostly dry diaper, and starting over again. It wasn't until the third day of you being home unhappy and exhausted that daddy had a wonderful idea. He asked me to try to use the breast pump to see how much milk you were getting. I pumped for 45 minutes and only got about half an ounce. I was starving my baby! I had a meltdown immediately after that because I felt so guilty. We immediately tried giving you Enfamil Newborn formula and you sucked down 2 ounces in record time! Here are some of the faces you made over the course of the first two days at home.

You were precious and so happy afterwards. You haven't really cried since we made the switch to formula. You cry only when you're hungry and you took to a routine so quickly! You appreciated the routine we think and we are so glad you're happy and healthy. You were also going to the doctor frequently in the first few days because before we left the hospital, the doctor tested you and said you had a minor case of jaundice. The first visit to the doctor, you were being breastfed, the second we had you on formula and you had gained 11 ounces in five days and the jaundice was completely gone. I felt confident that we had made the right decision for you and for our family. Daddy had a couple of days to really enjoy the routine and happiness until he had to go back to work. He was off work for a week and a half after you were born. 

Once we had you settled in a good routine, we felt ready to have lots of visitors. You are surrounded by so many people who love you! Gigi stayed with mommy and daddy for a little over a week after you were born and then Neena came to stay with us! While Neena was here, you had a ton of visitors including - Grammaw and Popa Allen, Poppy Kirk and Uncle Hayden, Aunt Pat and Uncle Kenny, Cheryl and Bruce, Aunt Kristen and Aunt Meagan, Uncle Josh and your cousins, Gavin, Brody, Mattison and Landreigh. We had so much fun letting you meet the most important people in your life. You will soon get to meet the other side of your family, I can't wait for that! On this day, I cried because I was overwhelmed with a kind of love I have never experienced before. I was so in love with you and I could literally feel the love that was being showered over you and us. It was indescribable how blessed and happy I felt that day. Best day of my life and you were at the center of it all - my reason for smiling and pride.

Some "I wonders" that can be answered in upcoming posts:

1. Who do you look like?

2. Will your eyes stay blue?

3. Do you like baths or not?  Mommy should have taken a bath with you here - you were so disgruntled at the beginning of your bath that you peed on me! It's ok, I love you anyway. 

Things you love this week: Everything DADDY, Mommy's singing (especially Jesus Loves the Little Children), story time, cuddling, your swing and your pacifier!

Things that bother you this week: Bright lights, getting your diaper changed with an empty stomach.

Love you more...

Your Birthday

You will be a week old tomorrow. This is the first post I am writing with you here! Our lives are completely different now, but in the best way possible. I am typing as quickly as my fingers will allow to finish this post before you wake up to eat!

You were born on Tuesday, May 6, 2014 at 7:10 AM. The day really began the night before as dad and I were unable to sleep for longer than 3 hours. We set an alarm for 3:10 AM because we had to be at the hospital by 5:00 AM as I was scheduled to have a C-Section. Dr. Wai believed that a C-Section was the best option for us because at my last doctor's appointment to check on you, you had not dropped at all, and he said that there was a high probability that I would not be able to have you on my own. 

Poppa John and Gigi stayed at home with us the night before we went in to deliver you and I remember communicating my fears and anxieties with both of them. Your dad was never nervous about your arrival - but I was. I knew our lives were about to change, and I couldn't fathom all of the differences I was about to encounter after your arrival. Here are a few pictures of us before we left the house to go to the hospital. 

Your daddy was acting silly as usual in this picture! He is so excited to meet you!

When we got to hospital, I went to a room an a nurse immediately started prepping me for your arrival. I got an IV (you later pulled out two nights later! OUCH!) and had my blood pressure checked. They hooked up cool monitors to not only hear my heartbeat but yours during the surgery. I remember being terrified because they kept saying "you'll have your little girl in about 30 minutes" or "your little girl is on the way!". It was exciting, but the most terrifying thing at the same time. Your daddy stayed with me while Dr. Wai came to check on me and the two anesthesiologists. I am convinced that the two anesthesiologists were angels sent from Heaven. They set my mind at ease and made me feel like I could do it. Then, I asked if Gigi could come in the operating room with us and they allowed her! We were so excited and I was comforted to have your daddy and Gigi with me. While dad and Gigi got dressed for surgery, I was wheeled into the operating room and got a big shot in my back so that I wouldn't feel the surgery that was happening. I could feel everything above my chest, but everything else was numb. They kept me awake so I could see you the moment you were born. 

To say that your birthday was the best experience of my life is an understatement. I was rolled into the operating room at 6:47 AM and you were born at 7:10. Dr. Wai held you up so that I could see you and we all cried!

Everyone came to see you on the day you were born. Here are pictures of you with Gigi, Poppa John, Poppy Steve, Grandma Carolyn, Neena, Poppy Kirk, and Kristen. The other pictures are from the next day when Beth and Derek and Ashley, Kristan, Jennifer and Kelly came to see you!

Time in the hospital went quickly. I got up and walked around the first night, we got no sleep at all. We had to send you to the nursery because you cried and cried. I felt guilty sending you, but I was exhausted. You had your hearing test done, your first bath, your heart checked, glucose, and bilirubin levels. You pulled out my IV on the second night and were sent to the nursery again. I'm sorry babygirl, but you were rocking my world the first few nights, but it wasn't your fault. I switched to formula after a couple of days trying to breastfeed you and your crying was so much better! Forgive me!

I loved you the moment I saw you. I know that we will be best friends. I do have to admit that I had my fair share of breakdowns and meltdowns once we got home. Next blog post is about the happenings of when we got home. To be continued...

Love you more...